


Hide and Seek

by eclecticat



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Feels, M/M, Slice of Life, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 15:47:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclecticat/pseuds/eclecticat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s Zitao and Yifan against the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide and Seek

**Author's Note:**

> Written around July 2014.

It starts with a handshake.  
  
  
Zitao feels the electricity run through his veins as his hand touches Professor Yifan’s own callused hand. It’s after Professor Yifan’s Financial Accounting class when Zitao finds himself walking towards the professor’s table, talking about possible ways to make up for lost classes due to a 3 weeks absence caused by dengue. The professor is strict, reminding him of the importance of time and education, but allows him to have special classes – 2 hours for two weeks. Zitao bows, a smile perfectly decorating his face as his dark circles become prominent with each upward stretch of his lips. Yifan smiles in return before he finishes collecting his things and leaves the young student alone to mull over his erratic heartbeat and overthinking brain.

 

 

  
\-----

 

 

  
Zitao is 17 years old and Yifan is 27 years old.  
  
  
They have an age gap of 10 years and a 2 meters physical gap blocked by Professor Yifan’s wooden desk. Piles of folders filled with exam papers and lecture notes litter on it along with untouched 3 rolls of kimbap and a mug filled with brimming, hot coffee. Professor Yifan pushes his glasses further to the bridge of his nose as he flips through the pages of the book till he reaches page 18 and gives the open book to Zitao. Zitao snaps out of his daydream and gets the book from his professor. They soon discuss about the purpose of balance sheets in accounting and the correct way of making one. Professor Yifan is very professional with his work and Zitao admires him for that. Zitao memorizes the way his deep, baritone voice explains the difference between a debit and a credit, the way he leans forward and uses his pen to point out the wordings and tables on the book and the way he vaguely smells like bath soap and dark chocolate.  
  
  
The classroom is empty except for the two of them at one corner of the room. It’s around 5 in the afternoon and dusk has almost settled outside. The curtains of the glass floor length windows are folded, letting the light permeate through. Different palettes of orange, yellow and pink cast itself in the classroom, inking everything in sight as the sun bids farewell once again to the world. The sound of crickets right outside the classroom battles along with Professor Yifan’s baritone voice and Zitao’s quickening heartbeat.  
  
  
Zitao hitches his breathe due to the beautiful sight of Professor Yifan’s face so close to his. Professor Yifan’s thick, brunette hair dances with the wind, reminding Zitao that the person in front of him can also be imperfect. Small wrinkles form under his eyes when he speaks and Zitao is all too conscious to stop himself from rubbing his fingers on the delicate skin. Through the nearness, Zitao can see the small ear pierces on Professor Yifan’s ears and this makes the former feel his own ear pierce. Small stubble decorates Professor Yifan and Zitao daydreams just for a second how it would feel to run his hands through those small pointed facial hair.  
  
  
It’s when Professor Yifan stands up to grab a calculator inside his bag that Zitao feels the heat in his body pool down south. The former is a tall, built man and his all-black fitted attire accentuates that fact with every movement of his muscles. Beads of sweat collect in Zitao’s forehead and he tries hard to wipe it with the back of his hand. Professor Yifan frowns as soon as he settles down at his chair. He asks if Zitao is okay, but the latter just furiously nods and wipes the sweat with shaking hands. He tuts, not believing his student for one bit, and stands up to check his student’s forehead with his hand. Zitao feels hot, sweat continuously forming its way to his skin. He doesn’t know if he should blame the heat from the sunlight, the failed attempt of the old air conditioner in doing its job or the fact that his professor is dangerously close to him at the moment. He moves back in an attempt to get away from the source of his frustration and joy, but the professor insists on checking up on his student. Professor Yifan crouches down next to Zitao and asks him if he’s okay, if he’s feeling woozy, if he’s feeling peculiar. Zitao is so close to nodding and blaming the professor for all the unwanted feeling building inside him, but he knows he can’t, so he settles with a firm pursed of lips and a smile, hoping that it’s enough response for the professor to go back to his lesson.  
  
  
Big, callused hands softly grab Zitao’s cheeks which make him internally panic. Professor Yifan offers him a reassuring smile so sweet it renders Zitao uncontrollable. He closes his eyes for a second and heaves a sigh. With firm hands, Zitao takes his professor’s hands off his face and lands a chaste kiss on his lips.  
  
  
It takes a minute to let what happened register to Zitao’s brain till he’s collecting his things and scrambling out of the classroom.  
  
  
His professor’s shocked look still crystal clear in his mind.  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Confessions are awkward.  
  
  
They are made in dim lit rooms and whispered conversations. Zitao finds himself sitting in one of the corner of the café with iced cold coffee on one hand and a tight clutch on his phone on the other. Professor Yifan recommended the place for their last session of special lessons. Zitao doesn’t know what the underlying reason behind it is, but he readily agreed anyway. Maybe a change of scenery would lead to a change of heart – anything that can take him away from the haunting memories of his past mistakes.  
  
  
The café isn’t conducive for studying, Zitao concludes. Dimly lit yellow light bulbs hang in the ceiling, but it’s not enough to fully brighten up the whole place. Small white candles are placed on each wooden table while overly large throw pillows decorate the wooden chairs. Paintings of different children playing outdoors hang throughout the area and Zitao finds it amusing how he has never been into this café before. The strong aroma of coffee beans is all over the place along with classical piano music. The whole café gives off a different vibe from the usual modern café and Zitao finds himself wondering how his professor knows such a café. He takes out his notes and pens, readying himself for the last special lesson with his professor, when the doorbell of the café chimes. Zitao looks at the new customer, curiosity behind such action, only to see a familiar face.  
  
  
To say that Professor Yifan isn’t attractive is a complete lie. Zitao knows it and the rest of the customers in the café also realize this little fact. It’s like an idol just entered the café the way the girls visibly swoon over Zitao’s professor. Who wouldn’t swoon over him anyway? Professor Yifan looks…different. With red plaid shirt, denim pants and boots, Zitao’s professor definitely looks like a normal hot guy in the neighbourhood instead of a respected college professor. Zitao drops his phone in the process of staring at the walking professor and scrambles to his feet to get his phone from the floor. In dire panic, Zitao ends up bumping his head at the edge of the table and he yelps because it hurts. Yifan snickers and helps his student back to the chair, a lopsided grin decorating his face all throughout the process. Zitao’s eyebrows furrow and Yifan answers by grabbing his hand and squeezing it before he orders his coffee in the counter.  
  
  
Zitao feels the usual palpitating of his heart go one notch faster. He tries his very hard to contain his feelings, but he just can’t. Why did his professor do that? Did he do something to deserve that? Is it because of the kiss? But they never talked about it ever since it happened. Different theories swirl in Zitao’s brain as he tries to put logic behind his professor’s action, but concludes nothing even as said professor now sits on the chair across his. They exchange pleasantries for a few minutes before they discuss about their lesson for Zitao’s final special class in financial accounting.  
  
  
“We’re going to discuss about how we’re going to work this relationship out.”  
  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
  
“I’m telling you I like you and I’m willing to risk my job for you.”  
  
  
A gasp, a chuckle and a squeeze of a hand.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Zitao is a student and Yifan is his professor.  
  
  
Clashes with schedules and responsibilities in life lead to makeshift dates in places far away and in times of secrecy. Zitao fishes the rumpled receipt in the back pocket of his jeans and looks at the ugly notes behind it – Paws Café in 1542. He scrunches his eyebrows and heaves a sigh before pocketing the receipt once again. Their dates are literally an adventure with either one of them getting lost every now and then. It’s a collaborative decision where they take turns suggesting unordinary date places. It’s Yifan’s turn this time and that’s why Zitao finds himself entering a cat café, eyes lingering from one cat to another, from one customer to another till he finds his 27 years old boyfriend all cuddled up with a cat on a corner of the café.  
  
  
A smile unconsciously makes it way to Zitao’s face as he removes his shoes and strides to where his boyfriend is, long legs awkwardly consuming a huge part of the corner of the café. The cat, a chubby Persian, jumps away from Yifan and presents itself to Zitao’s legs, rubbing its face on it as its tail curls around Zitao’s legs. Yifan’s most favourite is when he sees Zitao smiles – lips curling upward, eyes crinkling, laughter lines showing. He believes it’s one of the most precious things Zitao could ever offer him. Yifan’s boyfriend settles down beside him and pets the cat, scratching the area behind its ear, which leaves the cat purring in pure delight. Yifan greets him with a warm smile and a squeeze of a hand before they move to a series of conversations regarding their days, their interests and their companions. It’s like for a few hours worries of possible scandals and lost opportunities are forgotten among the exchange of laughter and smiles as well as loving gazes between Yifan and Zitao.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Dates are composed of palpitating hearts, brisk walks and hand signals.  
  
  
Yifan immediately lets go of Zitao’s hands. He walks and walks without ever looking back - back retreating further away with each second. Zitao feels the sudden coldness in his hand as he stares at his boyfriend. A tap on his shoulders and Zitao finds the reason for his boyfriend’s reaction. His classmate engages him in a conversation where he is physically present, but mentally elsewhere.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Old age does not equate to high maturity level.  
  
  
The candle stuck on Zitao’s small birthday cake slowly melts with each passing second that he waits for Yifan to open the door to his apartment unit. The entire flat is dark with only the candlelight to provide light. Soft acoustic music plays in the background while a small serving of food is laden on the center table of Zitao’s living room.  
  
  
It’s Zitao’s birthday and he hasn’t invited anyone, but Yifan to celebrate it with him.  
  
  
He’s already 18 years old.  
  
  
Of legal age. Finally.  
  
  
For other people, the legal age is something as menial as finally being allowed to watch porn in the cinema, or as menial as finally buying liquor in the local grocery story without being questioned. It’s a different matter for Zitao though. Reaching the legal age means less hide and seek. It means that his relationship with his professor boyfriend is one less evil. It means that Yifan and he can finally breathe a little bit more in this struggle called student-professor relationship.  
  
  
The sound of shoes squeaking against wood floorboards distracts Zitao from his thoughts and he rushes to the entrance to greet his dishevelled-looking boyfriend. Yifan ‘s thick, brunette hair is messy as he tries to pry his shoes and jacket off. Zitao helps him, an act of perfect submissiveness towards his boyfriend. Yifan allows him and rushes to turn all the lights on and change his clothes on Zitao’s bedroom. Zitao’s eyes linger at the small birthday celebration setup on their living room and at the retreating back of his boyfriend.  
  
  
Yifan gets out looking less haggard and more relaxed. He’s wearing one of Zitao’s endless supplies of white shirts and black jogging pants he always keep in Zitao’s dresser. A tired smile decorates his face as he saunters toward his boyfriend and holds his hand. Zitao feels the familiar jump in his heart. He lays his head on the comfort of Yifan’s chest and smells his boyfriend. His entire wardrobe is now a combination of their smell – musky, chocolatey – and he finds it really, really satisfying. Yifan kisses him on the forehead and whispers his birthday greeting to Zitao. Zitao finds himself smiling at the gesture – all thoughts of sadness and insecurity clearly forgotten. They sit on the floor as they munch down the food Zitao prepared while watching a rerun of a random movie on the television. It’s sweet and special the way Zitao feels Yifan’s thumb rub his shoulders, the way Zitao feels Yifan’s steady heartbeat when he hugs him, the way Yifan’s lips feels against his.  
  
  
Their kiss starts gently, but ends up with lips hungrily touching each other, tongues lapping in the process. The television is soon forgotten in the background as Zitao pulls Yifan towards him. They struggle to reach the sofa chair without breaking the kiss and Zitao ends up sitting on Yifan’s lap as he cradles his boyfriend’s face. It’s hot and Zitao has been dreaming of this for almost a year now. He yearns for this physical connection as much as he yearns for a legal relationship. Zitao could feel Yifan struggle beneath him, but pays no heed. Instead, he clumsily tries to pry Yifan’s shirt off, but gets pushed away.  
  
  
Zitao blinks and blinks and blinks. He’s on the floor, looking at his boyfriend wipe his mouth. There’s a pained expression in Yifan’s face, but it can’t possibly compete with how Zitao’s heart is constricting now. Yifan stands up, greets his boyfriend a happy birthday, before excusing himself to do work inside the bedroom.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Sorry is an overrated and abused word.  
  
  
It begins with a single excuse of workload and escalates to different versions of excuses such as filial duties, friendship and career. Zitao’s grip on his phone tightens as he reads and rereads all of the text messages he’s been exchanging with Yifan the past two months. It’s filled with apologies and empty promises of future companionship. Zitao lays his head on the comfort of his bed and stares at the photo of him and Yifan holding hands with the serene beach of Busan in the background. Wide smiles decorate their faces and Zitao thinks of the time he last smiled like that.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
The break-up is inevitable.  
  
  
It’s made inside the familiar room in Zitao’s apartment. Everything is the same as it was more than a year ago. The cream-colored walls, the white bedsheet, the teakwood dresser and small bottles of fragrances and facial products they share. Even Their picture when they visited Busan eight months ago. Everything is the same as it was before, except the feelings are gone.  
  
  
Gone are the happiness and the sweetness and is now replaced with blank emotions and lifeless stares at each other.  
  
  
Zitao and Yifan hold each other’s hands as they sit at the edge of the bed which houses a lot of their memories together. The musky, chocolate smell of Zitao’s shirts still linger in Yifan’s body and Zitao finds it ironic how it’s still a smell of them instead of a smell of him even after all the excruciating months of drifting apart. They look at each other without actually looking; they hold onto each other’s hands without actually feeling. The casual overdue apologies hang in the air like a thick cloud of sadness and Zitao feels numb and tired. Yifan has aged considerably and Zitao can feel how tired the other man is as well.  
  
  
With one last hug, Yifan drags his heavy feet and hurting heart out of Zitao’s apartment and out of Zitao’s life. Zitao stares at his empty house and feels his heart constrict with pain.  
  
  
Everything’s the same and different at the same time.  
  
  
  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  
  
  
Fate has a funny way of doing its job.  
  
  
It’s on a lonely December night when they meet again. Zitao is in the park, waiting for Sehun to arrive. His hands are deeply shoved in the pocket of his black coat as he looks to his left and right for a sign of his tall, blonde boyfriend. His watch says its 8 in the evening – too late for dinner, too early for drinks. There are only a few people in the park and Zitao finds it calming the way the wind blows against his skin and the leaves. The sound of dried leaves ruffling against the wind is relatively peaceful for Zitao as he smiles at the thought of Sehun.  
  
  
Sehun has been the nicest thing that has ever happened to him. The tall, pale boy who’s younger than him gives him more than enough happiness in his daily life. They fit together perfectly and entirely as if they’re made to be together. Zitao is the Yin and Sehun is his Yang. They’ve been together for years now and Zitao can’t help himself from touching the ring on his fore finger, rolling it with his fingers, feeling the etching on it. Sehun just proposed the whole world to him. A proposal of happy future and combined efforts during struggles. A proposal of good mornings via stolen kisses in bed and calming midnights due to body warmth under thick white blankets. Zitao smiles and feels perfectly content with his current life.  
  
  
Zitao is in the middle of calling his partner when he sees _him_. Yifan is still the same lanky man he used to be. His hair is shorter now, much shorter, and it’s now blonde instead of a dark shade of brown. Small puffs of air come out of his mouth whenever he exhales. He’s wearing a black coat above his boring corporate attire and Zitao is sure it’s the same man he used to love because those are the black leather shoes he gave Yifan during his 29th birthday. Yifan is oblivious to his surroundings as he continues to walk with his head down low.  
  
  
The awful constricting of Zitao’s heart slowly finds its way back and he isn’t mentally and emotionally prepared this time. All the memories years ago rush past his brain and he clutches his heart because he’s done with this. He’s done with Yifan. He’s done with them. The closure has been done years ago, but Zitao isn’t really sure the closure completely sealed the feelings inside him. Zitao stares at Yifan and his relatively composed self.  
  
  
Yifan breaks into a smile as he suddenly raises his hand to wave at someone. Zitao catches a glimpse of a beautiful young lady jogging towards his ex-boyfriend. He also catches a glimpse of a seemingly happy Yifan with a bright smile decorating his face as his fingers intertwine with the lady while they move closer to each other in a form of a hug.  
  
  
“Zitao!” The deep velvety voice of Sehun floats in the air. Zitao snaps his neck to where his lover is and sees the comforting sight of Sehun’s smile as the latter casually waves at his boyfriend. Zitao drops everything and rushes to Sehun’s embrace. Sehun smells like honey and banana pancakes while Zitao smells like chocolate and strawberries. Two separate smells in one single entity. Sehun wraps his arms around Zitao’s waist as he peppers him with kisses.  
  
  
Zitao lands one last look at Yifan and how happy he is with his girlfriend before he closes his eyes and finally lets go of everything.


End file.
